


Songs of Innocence

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-03
Updated: 2005-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:52:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7093228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like the title says... where insecurities and nightmares come to play.  Set during S2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love In An Elevator

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

**Love In An Elevator**  
By Kay.   
Angel/Wesley, PG poss. PG13

Cordelia watched as Angel came down the stairs of the Hyperion hotel, grumbling under his breath. They had just recently moved in, and Cordy had to admit this place was still giving her the creeps. It was old, vast, empty, and, of course, dark. The place felt as if the last vestiges of the Thesulac demon were still here, mocking them from the shadows.

“Cordelia,” Angel said, when he caught sight of her. He moved toward her, and she glanced up from her magazine.

“Morning, Angel. How’s the creepy hotel working out?” This earned her a reaction; a slightly disapproving look, which was replaced by a glance to the door as it swung open.

“Wesley.” Angel stated, then proceeded to the kitchen. Wesley came slowly down the steps, and looked after the vampire, confused.

“What’s wrong with him?” Cordelia waved him off.

“He just hasn’t had his blood. You know how some people get without their coffee? He’s the vampire version.” She pretended to confide, smiling when Angel shot her a look.

Cordelia remembered, “Oh, yeah. Angel, what were you grumbling about earlier?”

“Just realized that the elevators don’t work.” Angel nodded toward the ornate doors that hid the elevators in the lobby. “Thought that I could try to fix them later.”

“Angel,” Wesley offered. “Maybe I could help… especially considering what happened when you tried to ‘fix’ the electricity at your old place…” A slight smile appeared at the Englishman’s lips, tugging them up.

“Hey,” Angel said defensively, “That was because it was storming at the time. And besides, I don’t remember you trying to help fix it.” The vampire ducked his head, remembering what had happened. The power had been out, and, being a Champion, he’d decided to restore the power. Fortunately, being a vampire, he couldn’t be killed by electrocution…

“It’s an elevator. How hard could it be?”

 

A few hours later, Angel grimaced, then threw down the flashlight in frustration. He had looked at everything in the elevator, and found nothing that prohibited the thing from moving.

“Wesley!” A moment later, the younger man’s head popped ‘round the doors, peering at Angel.

“Yes, Angel?” Wesley seemed to be fighting back a grin. Angel looked up at him, and sighed.

“Get in here. You’re helping,” Angel growled. Wesley nodded, looking perfectly innocent. “Now, I’m going to climb on top, and check the wiring. I need you to stand here, and make sure nothing happens.”

“Yes, Angel.” Angel looked up at the ceiling of the elevator, and hoisted himself up through the open panel. Once on top, Wes heard Angel start moving around, examining the top.

Angel knelt a few seconds later, examining a clump of wires. He noticed that some of the wires were unhooked from the places they obviously went in. Angel looked at them, shrugged, and moved to replace them. 

“Wes. I think I found the problem. Hold on.” Angel stuck the wires in, feeling pleased with himself when there was no electric jolt running through him. Below, he heard a ding, and the doors slid closed. Angel dropped back down below, smiling slightly.

“See? I can fix things.” He tried to sound to overly pleased, but couldn’t help a slightly pleased smile. Wesley nodded back at him, and reached for the doors.

“Er, I see. Nice job, Angel.” Wes had touched the doors, when the elevator shuddered, then began to move. “Angel. Did you push any buttons?”

“No. I thought you might’ve.” Angel reached, and hit the STOP button. Then again. Repeatedly; nothing was happening. “Oh, great. Not only do I have a demon-infested hotel, but a possessed elevator.”

“Angel, just hit a button for a floor.” Wesley sounded a little impatient, and Angel looked at him.

“I _am_ ,” Angel replied. “It’s not working. Besides, we’re going up; it’ll have to stop sooner or later.” Angel sounded calm, unworried.

Of course, that’s when the elevator jerked, spilling Wes to the floor, and stopped. Wesley pulled himself to his feet, as Angel pushed the OPEN button. Again, nothing.

“A-Angel?” Wesley asked, just as the power went out.

“I’m right here.” Angel turned, and saw Wesley in the corner. “Dammit. What is going on? I mean, first, the elevator doesn’t work, then it does, then it doesn’t…” Angel was about to hit something, when he noticed Wes trembling.

“Wes?” The man was trembling, hugging himself tightly. Angel reached out, touching his shoulder lightly. Wesley jerked away.

“Wesley. Snap out of it.” Angel gripped his shoulders, shaking Wesley slightly. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing.” Angel raised an eyebrow, realizing as he did that Wes couldn’t see it. “J-just a few memories.”

Angel suddenly realized what was going on. He remembered vaguely something that the Ethros demon had said so long ago… _‘All those hours locked under the stairs, and you still weren’t good enough. Not good enough for Daddy, not good enough for the Council…’_

Memories… which, from the sound of it, included small, dark spaces… And how much worse could it get, to be stuck between floors, in the dark, in an elevator? Angel realized there wasn’t a whole lot he could do, except try to calm Wes down.

“Wesley. Hey, it’s fine. Talk to me, okay?” No response. Angel began to try again, and there was a small cough, then Wes spoke.

“It’s n-not just the dark, Angel. I-I’m not this weak, I swear,” Wes stammered. He sounded small, and Angel squeezed his shoulders slightly.

“I don’t think that, Wes.” Angel dropped his hands, moving back over to the doors. “I’ll try and get these doors open, okay?” Angel had a gentle tone in his voice, the tone mostly directed toward Cordelia after she’d had a vision. Wesley had almost never been on the receiving end of that tone, and for that, Wes was grateful. It meant Angel saw him as able to handle himself, not be babied through everything. Right now, however, the tone was helping him slightly.

Angel pried at the doors, and, true to form, nothing happened. Now thoroughly stuck, Angel threw his hands up, and asked, “Wasn’t it, like, a safety law to have doors open-able if the power went out? Wes, we’re stuck, until the power comes back on. You gonna be okay?”

“W-what about out the top?” Wes was shivering slightly less now, though his breathing was still faster than normal. Angel could also hear his heartbeat racing…

“Wesley, we’re at the top. The only way out is to go through the roof, and it’s kinda daylight.”

“Oh.” Wesley slid to the floor, and Angel followed him. He realized Wes was shuddering, and he heard, “Please, not again. I-I didn’t mean to…”

“Wes, you aren’t alone this time. It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m not leaving, okay?” Angel gently hugged the younger man, holding him. Wesley leaned into the touch, and Angel realized that this wasn’t as awkward as he would have thought. Wes was only human, and meant quite a deal to Angel. He was also not as skinny as he appeared… he had some muscles, from the feel of it.

“H-how long are we g-going t-to be here?” Wes asked. Then, he started babbling, “I-I d-don’t mean to s-sound so childish, I-I just-“ Angel abruptly cut the man off with his mouth.

Angel pulled Wes to him, encouraged when the man didn’t pull away. Instead, Wesley was silent, responding carefully, though still shivering. When Angel pulled away, he could faintly see the confused look on Wesley’s face.

“Better now?” Angel asked softly. “You aren’t alone.”

Wesley leaned over against Angel, and the vampire could feel the hesitancy in the act. He began to massage Wes’ shoulders, murmuring, “You aren’t alone, Wes. The power will come back on soon; it has to.”

“I’m alright,” Wesley said, sounding stronger now. Angel smiled, relieved, then gently kissed Wesley’s forehead. He hugged the man tightly, then, as the lights flickered back on, grinned. He kissed Wes on the lips briefly, happy when Wes seemed recovered enough to respond.

“See? Told you everything would be fine,” Angel said. Wes smiled, as Angel helped him up off the floor. “Now let’s go tell Cordy we fixed the elevator…”


	2. Office Max

**Office Max**

Wes absently stirred his tea, swirling the liquid round and round. He was staring blankly into his tea, not even noticing when Cordelia looked in, sighed pointedly, glared at him, then left. Not noticing at all…

What Wes was wondering about was what exactly had transpired in the elevator yesterday. He knew he’d made a fool of himself, when the thing had stopped, closed, and the power had gone off. He’d been striving for so long to overcome the impression he’d doubtlessly made with his cowardice involving the demon in Sunnydale.

He’d come so far, he’d thought… and now, to just freeze like that because of a childish fear? He was supposed to be better than that.

That said and done, Wesley now turned his thoughts toward what exactly had happened. Had Angel actually kissed him? Why? Wesley couldn’t deny that one would have to be blind not to see Angel’s attractiveness, but… had Angel just felt the need to baby him?

Wesley shoved away the fluttering in his stomach when he briefly entertained the idea of Angel’s possible sincerity. The vampire had no such feelings for him… Wes had even made sure he himself tried as hard as possible not to show his own (slight) attraction. Surely, it was unethical- to be involved or even fantasizing about one’s employer?

Angel and Wesley had formed a solid friendship, one not to be mistaken with… this. The number of times Angel had saved Wesley’s life, the times Wes had attempted to return the favor; just simple friendship, as were the fleeting touches, not necessarily needed. The claps on the shoulder, the hands up, the gentle training to help improve his fighting skills; just friendship.

It couldn’t be anything more… Wesley was sure of it.

~*~*~*~

Angel walking through the lobby silently, glancing around. It was 9:00 PM, and Cordelia had already left for the day. She’d left, complaining about Wesley’s solitude of the moment.

“Jeez. You’d think you’d terrorized him in the elevator yesterday. He’s just sitting in there… maybe you should talk to him- he won’t talk to me.” Cordelia had then gone off on a rant about how they could possibly start to advertise, so they could get more clients… Angel sighed and shook his head. He wasn’t in this for the money.

Angel caught sight of Wesley sitting in the office, light from a lamp playing softly over his features. The man’s face was distant, looking as if he was far off in thought. Wesley’s hand idly stirred a small cup of tea, the special brand Angel always thought (knew) to keep around- it was the Englishman’s favorite.

Angel wasn’t quite sure what was going on with him. He knew he cared a great deal about Wesley- there was just something in the way the man was so smart, yet so… innocent, so child-like in his curiosity sometimes. And recently, when Angel had come so close to losing both Wesley and Cordy in one blow, Angel had come to realize just how much the two had come to mean to him. Seeing Cordy, lying still, suffering the pain of others, then Wes, unconscious, not sure if he’d ever wake up again… Angel had never expected this to happen.

Lately, Angel had begun keeping a particularly close eye on Wesley. He noticed an attraction, an… affection, if you would, toward the clumsy, awkward, intelligent man. Angel couldn’t tell why- he just felt… different.

Finally, Angel moved into the office. He wasn’t being stealthy, by any means, but Wesley gave no sign on noticing. Finally, Angel purposely knocked a book off the desk, listening to it hit the floor with a resounding thud. Wesley jumped.

“Wha- oh, Angel. I-I didn’t notice you come in,” Wesley stammered. Angel smiled slightly, and replied, “I kinda noticed. What are you doing?”

“I was just thinking,” Wesley replied. He set the teacup down, and Angel noticed it was near stone-cold. He must have been at this for quite a while.

“Cordelia says you’ve been in here all day. What’s wrong?” Angel tried not to look like he was overly concerned- he didn’t want to scare Wesley away, especially if the human didn’t feel the same- and Angel was sure he didn’t.

“Nothing. I was… er, about yesterday,” Wesley switched topics, and Angel was a little apprehensive. He was already regretting kissing Wes- he’d had no idea where that had come from. Maybe he’d gone overboard- all he’d wanted was to make Wesley realize he _wasn’t_ alone.

“What about yesterday?” Angel asked, keeping his voice light. He knew his face belied none of his emotions- two and a half centuries tended to help you hide your facial expressions somewhat

“I didn’t mean to act so… er-“ The man seemed to be having trouble finding a word that fit. He struggled for a few moments, before he sighed, and continued, “I’m sorry. And, er, thank you for helping me; I was…” the man trailed off once more.

Angel looked at Wesley, and responded, “Hey, it’s no problem.” Angel knew the man was dancing around the kiss. He knew it was probably awkward, having kissed another man, let alone his employer, who'd been his friend. Angel was about to continue in these thoughts, when Wesley broke through the silence.

“Did you mean it?” Angel stopped- he hadn’t expected this. Wesley’s face was carefully devoid of emotion, as if he was expecting a negative answer or a rebuke, a stammered explanation of nothingness.

“What?” Wesley’s face showed a flicker of disappointment, before it was gone.

“Nothing, Angel.” Wesley stood up, while Angel was still processing what had just happened. When Angel finally clicked to, Wesley was at the door of the office holding his coat, ready to leave. Angel was out of his chair in a flash.

“Wes, wait.” The man paused, and Angel froze. Then, he found himself gently pulling the man closer, and Wesley gasped. Angel looked into his blue eyes, so wide and guileless, before gently leaning slightly upwards to kiss him again. That was strange enough in itself- Angel was used to kissing shorter people, mostly women- Well, except for Spike…

Wesley allowed Angel to kiss him, not really responding. Angel pulled back, and looked questioningly at Wes. Something must have been in his eyes, because Wesley whispered, “Alright, then,” and leaned back to Angel. Angel took this time slow, gentle. He let Wesley’s tongue slip inside his mouth, and brush against his own. 

When they separated for Wes to breathe, Angel held the man close, and Angel realized Wes had dropped his coat. Hesitantly, Angel answered the question he knew Wes had been trying to ask in the first place. 

“Yes, I meant it, Wesley. You aren’t alone, and I… Iloveyou.” The vampire said it very quickly, unsure if it was the right thing to say. By Wesley laying his head on Angel’s shoulder, Angel guessed so…


	3. Taking Care of Business

**Taking Care of Business**

Cordelia walked into the office, humming a small tune. Today was a good day- she had cashed AI's newest check the previous night, and had a new purse bumoing jauntily against her side. As she entered, she was prepared for another day of demon-diminishing in the City of Angels.

Well, as long as the day didn't include visions, at any rate.

Cordy walked into the back office, unsurprised to find the lights off, and found Angel sitting at the desk bathed in shadow, and said, "Good morning, Angel. What's on the agenda for today? Any more hotel renovations, 'cause I'll pass on that..."

Angel glanced up, and said, "Morning, Cordelia. I was planning on fixing one of the upstairs bathrooms in case you or Wesley ever need to use it."

"Didn't you hear, I'm not helping?" Angel met her gaze innocently.

"What, you don't want to help me plan to remodel?"

Cordelia swatted him lightly, and responded, "Well, since you're asking so nicely..." Angel smirked, and Cordy frowned now. "Hey! You planned that!"

A satisfied nod, and Angel stood up, stretching lightly. He headed toward the door, and Cordelia called huffily, "I'll be up in a few minutes. I want to check something first."

As Cordy was headed up, the door slammed open, and Cordelia called cheerily, "Morning." She glanced toward the door, prepared to sound further upbeat and welcoming in case it was a customer, until- "Wesley." She couldn't hide the slight disappointment in her voice, and the man winced.

"Yes, me. I'm sorry I disappointed you so," Wesley said archly. "Where's Angel?"

"Upstairs. We were just getting ready to redesign a room... he asked for a woman's obviously superior opinion." Cordelia smirked, and Wesley shrugged.

"Superior opinion? _That's_ a laugh," Wesley shot back. 

"This coming from a man who doesn't know the meaning of _fashion_ ," Cordelia retorted. "And besides, otherwise, Angel would redecorate the room all in black."

"I severely doubt that. And black would undoubtedly be better than a bright PINK and flowery room!" Wesley put his hands on his hips, and Cordelia unconsciously mimicked him.

"No _way_ would I do anything that tacky!" Cordy was about to continue, when Angel poked his head around the corner at the top of the stairs.

"Children, today please?" Angel said, a hint of a smile quirking his mouth. Wesley glanced down, but Cordelia smiled blindingly at Angel.

Upstairs, Angel led the two to a room across the hall from the one the vampire had taken up residence in. The room's furniture was covered in sheets, lending a wraith-like appearance to the room, where the light created dark shadows where it failed to reach. The room had a dark wooden framework around the base a ceiling, and was a medium blue color. The room was already attractive, but...

Cordelia saw the room, and tipped her head to the side critically. "Hmm. It really doesn't need all that much renovation. It's already classic enough to be attractive, but not tacky," she said, sounding serious. "I wanna check out the bathroom you said you wanted to remodel..."

Cordy stepped into the other room, and Angel shot a look at Wesley. The younger man caught his glance, blushed slightly, and looked away. Angel slipped over to Wesley, and gripped his hand. Angel squeezed, then grinned when Wesley smiled at him.

Angel still wasn't quite sure what this was. So far, it had been nothing more that those few stolen kisses here and there, touches exchanged when Cordelia and the ever-increasingly present Gunn weren't around. He wasn't sure what he _wanted_ it to be, come to think of it.

As Cordy came back out, Angel moved away from Wesley, trying not to look guiltly. He wasn't sure what she would think of... whatever this was.

"Well, the bathroom looks... dark. Maybe we could paint it?" She looked at Angel hopefully, and he nodded. Better to give Cordelia a project than to have her critisizing his own techiniques. "Well, a light blue would compliment the color of the room, instead of that horrible yellow... it looks like a child colored this hotel with their Crayola drawings."

"Sure, Cordy. Why don't you go get a piece of paper, so we can take down notes and stuff?" Angel suggested, trying to get alone with Wes from one more minute. She nodded, and went out of the room once more.

Angel took that chance to move over, and grip Wes. The human moved willingly into Angel's embrace, resting gently against Angel's chest. Then, he looked at Angel, moving in for another stolen kiss. Angel complied, and kissed Wesley gently.

"Wes? What are we doing? I mean, what is this?" Angel asked a moment later. he could hear Cordelia moving around downstairs still, so they had another moment.

Wesley's eyes were thoughtful, as he said, "I don't know... I thought this might be a-" the man stopped, his blue eyes now looking precariously fragile, almost as if he expected to have his thought crushed and disposed of.

"A relationship?" Angel asked. Wesley was looking away now, even as he nodded. Angel forced Wes to look at him, and replied, "Wes, it's okay. I, um, I haven't done this in a while, since..." 

Angel took an unneeded breath, and asked, "Do you want to try? I mean," he said hurriedly, "W-we couldn't have, you know, sex, but..."

Wesley looked up, and he looked confused. "A-are you sure?" Angel nodded. Wesley grinned, and nodded himself.

"Cordy's coming back," Angel commented a second later. He and Wesley moved apart, each knowing they'd have to tell her sooner or later.

When Cordelia came back into the room, she found Wesley running his fingertips over the wall, and Angel examining a light socket. Breezily, she remarked, "Angel... _away_ from the light socket. 248-year-old vampires and electricity don't mix, remember?"

Petulantly, Angel said, "Two hundred-forty- _seven_." He heard Wesley stifle gentle laughter, and smiled despite himself.

This could be the start of something beautiful.


	4. Tremble For My Beloved

**Tremble For My Beloved**

Angel stood quietly in the doorway of the office, not moving. He had been standing here for a while, and didn't plan on moving for a while.

At the desk, slumped over and bathed in the lamplight, was Wes, sleeping. The man had been researching who knew what, because there had been no new visions or threats, so Angel was stumped as to what he'd been researching.

He quietly moved over, and saw Wesley's glasses had been forced across his face, sitting crookedly. Angel resisted the urge to reach out and touch him. The man looked so much younger when he was sleeping, all soft angles and long lashes against his high cheekbones...

Angel stopped his hand just shy of brushing the human's face. He glared at the offending appendage, and sighed. Angel was thrilled, excited, you name it, that Wes had wanted to have a relationship with him- he'd expected Wesley to say that this had to stop... Angel turned to the thought of his soul, though. He was happy with what had happened, but what if this went too far? He didn't want to risk Angelus coming out to play, to hurt his friends...

Angel stiffened as Wesley began to stir, though. The man moaned, then shifted restelssly. Angel could hear his heartbeat and breath begin to accelerate, and knew he was waking up.

"Wes? Hey, you fell asleep researching again," Angel said gently. It was now long into the night, and Cordelia had gone home AGES ago. "Wesley?"

"Mm..." Wes began to sit up, a page from the book he'd lain on sticking to his cheek. He brushed it away sleepily, and looked at Angel, blinking in the light. "What time is it?"

"About midnight. You've been asleep for about two hours." Wesley struggled to hide a yawn, only to fail. He covered his mouth with his fist, and Angel was reminded of a young blonde girl, a Slayer, who used to yawn the same way; with her fist.

Wes stood up, and winced as his back popped loudly. He stretched to alleviate any further joints, and began to hunt for the keys to his bike on the desk. He began to organize his papers, his mind only half-focusing. The keys were nowhere to be found. Wesley sighed, and looked up to find Angel already holding the keys for him.

Wes reached for the keys slowly, and was slightly confused and annoyed when Angel yanked them out of the way. He extended a palm flat out, and said firmly, "Angel, my keys, please?"

"No." Wes looked at him, irritated.

"Angel, really. I'm tired, and I'd appreciate it if you gave me my keys, so I could go to my flat to sleep..." He realized he was on the edge of whining, but couldn't really find it in himself to care right now.

"No," Angel repeated. "You are _not_ driving home like this. Look, you can barely stand up without fighting to stay awake. I'm _not_ letting you drive." He thought for a moment, then added, "Sleep in one of the rooms we've fixed up."

"Er, Angel... I'd much rather go home, if that's alright," Wesley wheedled. He hoped that, since he and Angel now had a... thing... he could persuade him easier.

No such luck. "Nope," Angel said. "You're either going up there of your own free will, or," Angel grinned mischievously, "I'll carry you up there." Angel knew there would be almost NO way Wes would ever allow that to happen.

Wesley's eyes hardened, then softened again as he gave up. "Fine. You win... just let me go." The man stalked out of the office, storming upstairs. By the time Angel caught up with him, Wes was already in the room next to Angel's, taking his shoes off.

Angel leaned against the doorway, and watched. As Wes finished, now just wearing his undershirt and boxers, he glanced up at Angel. "Aren't you coming?"

Immediately, Angel tensed. "Wesley, we can't... you know about the curse nearly as well as I do, if not better. We can't have sex," he said. A slight smile teased at Wesley's lips, making Angel want to kiss him again.

"I know we can't," Wesley said scathingly. "I... I just want to..." he trailed off, unsure. What exactly DID he want? He wasn't quite sure what was going to happen in this relationship.

Angel seemed to get what Wesley was asking, though. He came to the bed, and sat next to Wes. He reached an arm around, and Wesley leaned into the touch heavily. Angel could feel the exhaustion in his limbs, and leaned backward, so he and Wesley laid on the bed together.

Wesley moved closer, arranging himself next to Angel, and Angel wrapped both arms around Wesley. He rolled them into the center of the bed, and Wesley sighed.

"Go to sleep, Wes. It's fine." Angel kissed Wesley on the forehead, and just lay there with him, until he knew Wesley was asleep. Angel then allowed himself to briefly brush Wesley's face, before following him down to sleep.

~*~*~*~

The next morning, Cordelia came into the office, to find Gunn pacing anxiously.

"Yo. I thought y'all would be up earlier... where's Angel?" She looked at him, eyebrow raised in the way she knew made her seem uncaring, yet coolly in charge. She delicately put her purse down, and turned around.

"I don't know. It's kinda early, so he might be sleeping still," she offered.

"Well, go get him up. We've found a nest that needs dustin'," Gunn said. He motioned toward the stairs, and made shoo-ing motions.

"Excuse me?" Cordelia asked. "I am _not_ a slave. *Please* might get it done now." GUnn rolled his eyes, and put his hands on his hips.

"Please." he drawled, and Cordy smirked.

"There. Now was that so hard?" She didn't wait for a reply, and started off up the stairs. She took the shortest way to Angel's room, but stopped short when she heard a slight noise in the room next to his. The door was cracked open, so she pushed it further open.

In the room, she saw Angel, curled up around Wesley, who was sprawled on the bed, sleeping. Angel, however, was awake, and gently kissing Wesley's face, then sucking on his earlobe, but not hard enough to wake him up...

Cordy gasped, even as she heard Gunn pounding up the stairs after her. Angel looked up, with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. Both just stared at one another for a moment, before Angel began to rise. This woke Cordelia up, and she realized just what she'd seen.

"Agh!" Cordelia shrieked. She flung her hands in front of her face, and backed away, allowing the door to swing shut.

"What?" Gunn asked, alarmed.

"Ugh... I uh," she hesitated, then decided that, if they hadn't told _her_ , they probably didn't want Gunn to know. "I walked in on Angel naked," she lied.

Gunn's face wrinkled in disgust. "Oh, man. Now _that's_ something I never wanna see. Got bad mental imagery as it is now." Gunn shuddered, then motioned toward the stairs. "Let's wait downstairs, then..."

~*~*~*~*

I don't know how long this series could go on for, so... yeah. Let me know what you all think...  
~Kay


	5. Innocence

"So, how long has this been going on?" Cordelia asked, looking faintly disturbed still. Wesley winced, and looked down. He had been woken up by Cordelia's shrieking. At first, he had been confused, until he realized he was laying in the bed, Angel twined around him like a cat, licking him...

Wes shivered, and Angel instantly glanced at him, concerned. Cordelia waved him off, and demanded, "When were you going to tell me? I mean, EW, but... honestly, do you think I would have cared?"

"Then what do you call this now?" Angel asked, now looking confused. Wesley smiled and shook his head.

"No, this is just me, being insulted you didn't think you could tell me." Cordelia sounded gentle, but hurt, reminding both men just how much she had changed from the shallow girl they'd known only a few months ago.

Wesley sighed. "Cordy, it wasn't that we didn't want you to know, but..." he paused, then said, "We weren't quite sure ourselves what this was. Is," he said, looking confused.

"Cordelia, we're sorry..." Angel said, and Cordelia smiled at him. She rose, and Angel watched her, wondering if she really had gotten over this that easily.

She went to the door, then smiled blindingly. Seemingly out of nowhere, she suddenly held up one hand, complete with Angel's credit card. "This will be my blackmail, then," she smirked. Angel's mouth dropped open, and Wesley had to restrain the urge to touch him.

"I'm going out for a bit. Don't worry," she said. "I won't bankrupt us... I mean, after all, I still need to be paid."

Both men watched as she waltzted out, and looked at each other. Cordelia's shopping excusion/blackmail was suddenly cut short, as she suddenly cried out in pain. Angel and Wes looked at each other in recognition, before rushing out to her.

Angel picked Cordy up off the floor, holding her as he moved to the worn couch in the middle of the lobby. He sat, propping Cordelia up next to him, as Wesley appeared with a glass of water and Tylenol. Routine, again.

"Two demons," Cordy gasped, then moaned as she arched forward again, the message not quite complete. Angel gripped her by the shoulders, and she moaned as it finally finished. "In Santa Monica. Y-you need to find two boys who summoned the demons."

Angel was already standing while Wes tried to comfort Cordelia. Angel gathered his broadsword and, deciding to bring Wes with, snagged a small axe for him. He knew Wes wasn't quite as strong as him or Gunn, but was learning to take care of himself. Angel had been training with him since the Faith incident.

"C'mon." He said shortly, wanting to get a move on. Wesley looked up at him, startled, then rose from his kneeling position in front of Cordy.

"Y-you want me to come? And not Gunn?" Wesley sounded skeptical, and Angel inwardly winced. He did suppose that he'd been leaving Wes out lately in favor of Gunn, but the other man was, no offence, a better, stronger fighter to have at his back.

Angel nodded to Wes, and the man supressed a grin. Wesley rose, and walked over to Angel shooting a parting look to Cordelia.

~*~*~*~*~*

"Wesley! Move!" Angel yelled across the alley. He ducked and rolled, coming up on the other side of his demon. They had arrived about fifteen minutes ago, and found two teenage boys, chanting. They'd stopped them, only in enough time to get the boys out of there before the demons appeared.

The demons had two head each, making them that much harder to kill. Angel grunted in frustration as he thrust his sword forward, but the damn thing dodged yet again. The whole 'two heads' thing was NOT fun. This was not what he'd had planned for execise today.

Across the alley, Wesley dodged his own demon's claws, and tripped. He fell, and rolled awkwardly, catching only a glancing blow across his shoulders. He tried to get to his feet, only to be knocked back down.

As he lay there, the demon tried to pounce on him, probably to kill him. As the demon sprang at him, Wes pulled a move Angel had taught him not so long ago. He pushed his feet upward, and continued the demon's spring, only now it carried it over his head, into a wall. The demon lay, stunned, as Wes got to his feet. He retrieved his fallen axe, and prepared to swing it onto the demon's head-

And Angel swung by, managing to stab the fallen demon through one of the skulls. Wesley shot him an exhasperated look- he was grateful for the assist, but he was handling it himself. Angel finished off his own demon by using a fire escape to jump up and behind the demon, then lop off one of the heads.

When Angel's foe dropped, then vampire sighed, then wiped his hand across his forehead, unknowingly smearing ichor across his face. He turned to Wesley, and smiled slightly.

"Angel," Wes said carefully, "You have blood smeared across your face now." Angel looked sheepish now, and Wesley pulled out a handkerchief. Angel's eyes widened, and Wes smirked mischeivously. 

He wiped the smear off, putting himself closer and closer to Angel. Suddenly, Angel growled, and hauled Wesley in. He kissed Wes brutally, and murmured, "It's not nice to tease, Wes." He only responded by pushing himself further into Angel's grip, kissing him again.

Wesley moaned, and pulled away enough to say, "But look where it gets me..."


	6. You Give Love A Bad Name

The clouds were dark; terribly so. _This could be a rather nice storm_ , Wesley thought. As if to prove him right, a sudden bolt of lightning, undermined by a soft roll of thunder, more like a sleepy threat than a warning of danger.

He watched as the rain began to pour down, not gently. The rain started hard, and escalated into a outright downpour. The rain was almost like a curtain, impenetrable. It was emphasized by a shriek, and Wesley hurriedly exited the back office to find Cordelia, dripping wet in the lobby.

"Damn it!" She said, and glared at Wes. She pointed a melodramatic finger at him, and declared, "This is SO your fault!"

"Mine?!" Wesley stammered, and drew himself upright. "How is that my fault?"

"Because you were the one that suggested I should go cash that check!" She frowned, and gently pulled at her soaked blouse. Wesley looked away; because it was so wet, her thin shirt was showing her bra.

"What's going on?" Angel asked, and Wesley immediately looked up. He put a hesitant smile on his face; lately, Angel had been slightly out of sorts. He wasn't sleeping well, which had led to slight awkwardness between the two of them. Since Bethany had come and gone, the strange sleeping patterns Angel had been experiencing had grown.

Wes had been shoved away from Angel; not purposely, though. At least, that was what Angel said to him, comforting him when they got alone time. Though, the time was never enough to have sex, which was probably for the best; Angelus was never far from their minds, though at this rate, they'd never have to worry about the curse, if this kept up.

Angel was often sleeping most that day away now, closed up in his room. When he was awake, he was often short and distant, a little distracted. He apologized to Wesley, trying to make it up to him, but Wesley was still slightly hurt. Angel refused to let anyone in, to help him.

As Angel descended the stairs, he looked at Cordy, smiled slightly, then turned to Wesley. He looked up, and smiled at Angel, as the vampire trailed a hand around his waist, all too quickly gone as he went to the kitchen.

Wesley followed, and asked, "Angel?"

"Wesley," Angel said, and Wes shuddered slightly as he realized all the lights in the kitchen were off. The voice was right behind him, causing the hairs on the nape of his neck to stand up. A hand snaked itself around Wesley's waist, pulling him back. Wesley unconsciously tensed, because now Angel was nuzzling at his neck.

"Er, Angel?" Wesley asked, and damn if his voice wasn't cracking just a little. "A-are you sure you're quite all right?"

"I'm fine," Angel said shortly, and pulls away. Wesley felt a small pang when he realized Angel was gone back out into the other room. He followed, and found him talking to Cordelia about a new case they might be getting.

"So do you think we should check this out?" Angel asked, and Cordy nodded. She had changed into a different shirt, and now tapped a pencil against the desk unconsciously. Angel looks at it, once, twice, irritably, before reaching out and gently removing it. Cordelia just smiled sheepishly.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Later, when it was still pouring, Cordelia bolted for Angel's convertible. She had 'convinced' Angel to let her borrow the car, so she didn't get soaked. As Wes prepared to leave, too, he heard Angel say, "Wesley, wait."

Angel came down, and, looking down, said, "Sorry if I startled you earlier... I didn't mean to. I was just really out of it. I-"

"Haven't been sleeping well," Wesley chorused with him, and smiled gently at Angel's startled look. "Angel, it's alright. I understand... but are you sure you'll be okay? I'm... here if you need me..." he said, turning shy. Wes still wasn't quite used to this new modicum of their relationship.

Angel smiled, and reached out. Wesley allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, which he returned. "I'm fine, Wes. I promise."

With that, Wesley turned, and kissed Angel softly. Angel immediately responds, and Wesley was excited, startled, even, to feel the heat and hunger behind the kiss. He hadn't felt this much of need from Angel yet, and was pleased to find he liked the feeling. He didn't want to get in over his head, for sure, but...

Surely it couldn't be wrong to make Angel feel this way, could it? Well, besides the whole curse bit. _Speaking of which_ , Wesley thought, slightly giddy from the kiss, _I may wish to start researching a way to possibly... without Angelus coming to the forefront._

Angel's tongue was in his mouth by now, and Wesley moaned quietly, and Angel's arms tightened around him. Wesley eagerly pushed against him, and was pleased to hear Angel moan, deep in his throat.

Wesley suddenly felt Angel pushing him down onto the couch in the lobby, and tensed for a moment, then gave in. He felt that nagging feeling that something was wrong, that they couldn't go this far, they should stop...

Angel pulled away for a second, his eyes closed. A hand came up, running itself through Wesley's short hair, not long enough to tangle in. Wesley sighed, and murmured, "Angel..."

"Shh," Angel said. He kissed Wes shortly, then leaned down again. "I love you-"

Wes cut him off, smiling, ready to respond, when Angel finished-

"-Darla."

_Shot through the heart,_  
And you're to blame,  
You give love, a bad name.  
I played my part,   
And you played your game,  
Darlin', you give love a bad name   
~You Give Love A Bad Name, Bon Jovi.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	7. Ain't That a Bitch?

**Ain't That a Bitch**

Wesley froze, his mind not even thinking. He thrust Angel off of him, with a strength he didn't even know he possessed. The vampire sitting astride him fell to the floor, looking so sad, ashamed...

"Wes-" Wesley was already gone, running out the door, as hard as he could. He ignored the tears that threatened him, angry with himself. 

How could he have believed it, for even one second? How in the world had he allowed himself to believe that anyone, let alone Angel, could think of him like that? How had he been so stupid?

He ignored ongoing cars as he ran, Angel calling behind him. Embarrassment, rejection, mortification, _hurt_ warred within him, giving way to anger. Anger that he had been so stupid, yes, but also that he could be hurt like this _again_.

Finally, spent, Wes sat down on a park bench, ignoring the looks he was getting from just sitting in the pouring rain. He was soaked, the bench was soaked, and thunder still rumbled far off, growing closer. This time, however, instead of being merely obsevant, Wes ached for the storm to come, rage over him, erase the ache. Erase everything, then maybe the ground to open up and just swallow him...

Damn it. How could it hurt this much? It felt like he was slowly being torn apart, and he wanted so badly just to cry, but he wouldn't let himself. He had been raised British, after all, and taught that real men don't cry.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Back at the hotel, Angel stared at his hands, a pained expression on his face. How the hell could he have been so stupid? He'd had Darla on his mind so much lately, but...

Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if Wes hated him now. Wouldn't blame him, in fact. He was ashamed of himself- he'd called Wes fucking _Darla_ , when Wes had been so happy.

With a yell, full of pain, guilt, and fucking _anger_ , Angel rammed a fist against the wall. It was hard enough to put a hole in the wall, and he yelled again, this time in frustration as he yanked his hand out.

He'd hurt Wes, who he'd tried so hard to make happy. Yeah, granted that he hadn't been completely _there_ lately, but... he hadn't done too badly, had he? He'd still made Wesley kiss him hard, until both were breathless, wanting so much to go further, but...

The dreams were trying to ruin him. That had to be it. No way otherwise he would have even called Wesley 'Darla', even thought about it. Hell, if not for the dreams, he would never have thought of her again... after all he'd staked her, _killed_ her, by all rights, 3 or 4 years ago. Why now? Why did she insist on _haunting_ him so?

Angel stared out into the pouring rain, thinking absently that it seemed to fit his modd so well just now. He'd hurt _Wes_ , of all people. The man with the still-boyish innocence, the small wistful looks, the British exterior hiding a gentle yet strong, smart yet occasionally naive, sweet man. What had Angel done?

Angel began to move, to go find his Wesley, who was hurting when-

"Where are you going, darling?" Angel froze at the sound of the voice, before relaxing.

"Darla." He sounded confused, yet a tone of happiness hiding behind his voice. "What do you want?"

"You, of course," she said, laughing. "Your boy toy ran off, leaving you hurting... I want to make you feel better," she said, trailing her hand over his chest. Angel closed his eyes, and felt his urge to go after Wes fading...

"My darling boy..." Darla said. "Won't you let me help you? You feel terribly guitly... and you shouldn't."

"Shouldn't I?" Angel asked bitterly, looking toward the door. He took one step, half-heartedly. "I _hurt_ him."

"He doesn't understand," Darla said softly. "He doesn't know what our love was like. He's just a boy, Angel. He can't know that I'll never leave you..." she arched up, teasing his neck with a phantom kiss. "He can never give you what you want... what you need..."

Suddenly, Darla was gone from his view, and he looked around worriedly. Then, a light, teasing laugh. "Over here, silly." Angel sighed. Darla was on the bed, tracing lazy patterns on his sheet with a fingertip. "Don't you wanna play?"

So deceptively innocent... Angel felt himself almost pulled forward. _Wesley, go after Wesley..._ , part of him thought-

And Angel climbed into the bed.

_Then you feel so outta place,_  
Lickin' up the aresenic off the same ol' lace  
You know the stuff is poison,   
But you gotta get a taste, you gotta  
Freak out, I'm alone now,  
I fell just like I'm losin' my mind,  
'Cause love is like the right dress  
On the wrong girl,  
You never know what you're gonna find.  
You think you're high an' fine as wine,  
Then you wind with yo' face inna ditch  
'Cause love is like a warm gun,   
On a cold night...  
Yeah, ain't that a bitch... 'Ain't That a Bitch', Aerosmith


	8. Needs

**_Needs_ **

"It's just, with Darla back, and in league with Wolfram and Hart," Wesley said carefully, "There are a lot of forces arrayed against you. There's going to be trouble." Wesley acted aloof, concerned, but not overly concerned.

Today had been tiring; after all, Darla was back, and Angel had been searched for by the LAPD. It had been a rushed day, allowing no time for any of Angel's sure-to-be-mangled apologies, for which Wes was grateful. There was only so much he could take, and this new obsession of Angel's was not it. Let him have his Sire, if that was what he wanted. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce was always last choice, replacement, cosolation prize, et cetera. No need to rub it in.

Angel sounded dark, focused yet almost casual, as he replied, "There's going to be a lot of trouble. And I say, bring it on."

The door shut in Cordelia and Wesley's faces, and both stood there for another moment. Then Cordy turned to Wes, and huffed, "Well."

She marched off, and Wesley follwed her. He didn't want to be anywhere near Angel just now.

Downstairs, Cordelia turned to Wesley, and asked, "Do you think Angel will be okay? I mean..." She sounded gentle, concerned, and Wesley refrained from glaring at her.

"I don't know, Cordelia." A short reply, and Cordy looked up, sensing something was off.

"Aren't you and Angel all, you know, lip-locky?" She scrunched her face up, and said, "He hasn't said anything to you? Or, were you too busy locking lips to-" She stopped, noticing that Wesley's face had fallen slightly. "Wesley?"

"As a matter of fact, Angel and I are currently having a difference of opinions." Wesley sounded stiff, and Cordy winced.

"Wes, I'm sorry, I didn't think..." He looked at her, and offered her a small smile.

"No, it's fine." British stiff-upper-lip in place, Wes turned away, and continued, "He has been acting rather odd, lately, though... I'm surprised we didn't figure out it was Wolfram and Hart before this..." Wes trailed off. Maybe that was why this was happening- he'd failed to find out what was in that box. He'd let it slip- maybe this was his fault- he hadn't nipped it in the bud, letting Darla play her games...

Softly, he muttered, "I should have known..." He retreated into the office without another word.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Upstairs, Angel listened to the conversation downstairs. He could hear Cordelia's concern and indignance, Wesley's gentle worry and, yes, hurt. He felt sorry for hurting Wes, of all people, but couldn't do anything about it.

It wasn't Angel's fault Darla had been haunting his dreams, playing with his mind. And if Wes felt hurt, well-

_NO,_ Angel thought viciously. He had hurt Wesley, and the last thing he needed was to be thinking this way; like Angelus; an ends to a means. Wes was NOT an end to a mean.

Meanwhile, Angel absently picked up a piece of paper, beginning to trace a face on the blank sheet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Downstairs in the office, Wesley sat in Angel's chair, staring at the wall. He closed his eyes, and tried to make it stop. This damn pain... he'd thought he'd found a place, someone to love him. A joke, just as Father had always said. A failure...

Wesley pushed his glasses up, rubbing his eyes; this was the last time he'd cry over this; he didn't need anybody. He had friends. he should be happy enough with that. Anything more... simply hurt more than was worth it.

_I don't need nobody_  
I don't need the weight of words to find a way   
To crash on through  
I don't need nobody  
I just need to learn the depth  
Or doubt of faith to fall into... 'Needs', Collective Soul

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Anyway, another chapter. I am sorta wondering if I made people mad, or did I chase all the readers away? Um, reviews are a good thing- they let me know how I am doing; what you like, dislike, so on and so forth.

Please let me know how I am doing. I like to know if people are enjoying this, or if I am just annoying you. let me know, please. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.  
~Kay


	9. The Division Bell

**_The Division Bell_ **

"You're all fired." Wesley's eyes widened as Angel stood up and left without another glance.

Over the past few months, Angel had drifted further and further away from his friends; things hadn't gone back to normal between him and Wes, either. Since... that, Wesley had just acted as normal; he acted as Angel's friend, no more no less. He was still concerned, but no longer wanted the vampire back in his life in that role.

At least, that's what he told himself in his mind. In his heart however was another matter. He still dreamed of Angel coming back to him, but knew that wouldn't happen. There was no way, not after what had happened. Wesley had moved on; he had Virginia now.

The anger now, at being let go, burned within him. They had all tried to keep Angel from his descent, all for naught. Angel had gone too far, locking those lawyers in with Darla and Drusilla. Evil, yes, they undoubtedly were, but... they were human. They were mortal.

What would have been to keep Angel from doing the same again if he, Gunn, or Cordelia, had angered him, had threatened him? How would they ever know?

Their friend was gone, dark, almost unrecognizable as the man who had been Wesley and Cordelia's friend for a time, who had been there so often for them, who had rescued all three time and again...

Instead, Darla's reappearance had shown a new Angel, one whom refused to accept friendship, refused help, instead pushed them away. Wesley shoved away the small, aching void inside himself, that refused to let up. He had said goodbye to Cordelia and Gunn, and come home, numb. He didn't remember too much of the walk home; it was a blur to him...

He didn't know when he would see Cordelia and Gunn again. Cordelia and he had been friends, for all their bickering and arguing. The young woman was truly extraordinary, strong, for all her fascination with clothing and pretty things. She had seen the city's suffering, and knew what was hiding in the shadows at night. And who knew if she still had the visions or not, now that Angel had...

Wesley pushed that thought away, instead turning to Gunn. The young man and he hadn't gotten along too terribly well, but he was unlikely to turn away from the fight as Angel seemed to have done. He, too, knew what lurked, only too well. He had lost his own sister to that darkness, and was not going to back away as long as he knew people were in danger.

Angel just didn't seem to care about that anymore. He was out on his vendetta, not caring who or what was in his way. Wesley knew how determined, how driven the vampire could be, but to ignore those he had sworn to help, to get at these two creatures from his past? Wesley couldn't understand... and he gave up trying, instead putting on his jacket to go out. He needed to get away from his thoughts.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Wesley walked down the steps to the familiar lobby, pausing a second to look around. The hotel now felt... oppressing, the darkness an actual entity. It made the hotel seem as if they had never been here, had never laughed here, had never... mattered. Angel's dark hole in the world, despair personified.

Wes moved to the basement, hearing the dull thumping from down there. As he had suspected, he found Angel down there, throwing knives one by one into the target. Slightly off center... Wes thought briefly, bitterly, _I could hit that_...

He stopped, and was spared a brief glance from Angel when the vampire went to retrieve his knives. That glance alone was enough to send little jabs of pain back into his heart. Once, the vampire's look had been warm, caring, and full of friendship when he had looked at them. Now, all that was left was darkness, the knowledge of the fact that there was nothing left. Absence of the hidden caring that had always been there, in the dark eyes, letting them know that Angel was, indeed, more than just a regular vampire.

This strengthened his resolve. Wesley looked down on the vampire, the creature, that he had been so sure would make him so happy, not so long ago. Wesley took a deep breath, ignoring the slight twinge in his shoulder from the previous night. The pain only reminded him of how Angel had turned away.

"I thought you might like to know," Wesley said, his voice stronger in its accent, hiding his emotion. He continued, "We're keeping the agency open, with or without you." Wesley paused, watching Angel for any sign of reaction. The vampire was utterly still, not looking anywhere save the target board again. He held a knife in his hand, and for a second, Wesley was grateful that the vampire hadn't decided to turn and throw the knife at _him_. And who knew if he would or not anymore?

"You may have turned your back on your mission, but we haven't. Someone has to fight the good fight." Wesley turned stiffly away, moving back up the stairs. He knew he would get nothing from the vampire, who hadn't even acknowledged his presence.

This hurt more than he'd like to admit. Even when Wesley had been a bumbling fool, Angel hadn't ignored him. He had accepted him for who he was, given him that chance. Angel had let Wesley in, had seen past the clumsy, arrogant, pathetic exterior, seeing what he could truly become. 

Angel had comforted him, held him, kissed him, and now...

Wesley quietly shut the door behind himself.

Angel was gone; there would be no return.


	10. Summer Night

_**Summer Night** _

Angel studiously stared ahead, ignoring Wesley as he left. There was a pang, and Angel shook himself. That was why he had fired them. He had let them in, let them get too close. He shouldn't have done that; he had been alone for so long; what made him think that letting anyone close now would be safe?

He had _had_ to get them out. He couldn't be worrying about Cordy, Wes, and Gunn, not with Darla and Drusilla both back. He had to get them out of the way; he couldn't afford to let Darla think she could use them to get to him... unless it was already too late for that.

Darla. He had let her down... she had come to him, and he had refused her what she had asked. Almost unheard of in their relationship. She was still his Sire, he still knew her better than most people knew their best friends... and even Angelus had not often refused her what she wanted.

She had come to him, begging him to change her back, to make her a vampire again. He had refused, of course.

Why would she want to give this up? She had a chance at being human, at the thing Angel wanted most, what he was working toward- a second chance. She was human, alive. Granted, she had a soul and would feel guilt for what she had done, but Angel would be there to help her. He knew what it was like, to be where she was... he could _help_ her.

Instead, Darla wanted to take the easy way out, wanted to go back to the killing, the lack of emotion, the blood lust. She wanted to go back to the darkness, to get away from the feelings. She didn't _want_ to face the feelings; she wanted to ignore anything that threatened her life, the way she had been for so long. Change is harder for older people than it is for younger people...

But in the end, Angel had convinced her that maybe he could still be trusted. That he knew how to help her. Darla had seen that maybe there _was_ something to this human thing. Sure, she was sick, dying, even, but... she had a clean slate. A chance to enjoy the sunlight, to be with people without feeling the urge to kill, hurt, maim.

She had decided maybe she was given this chance for a reason, besides the fact that Wolfram and Hart had wanted to use her to bring Angelus out to play. She had been-

Begging for Angel to help her before Drusilla had killed her. He had been helpless, after trying so hard to help her, trying to convince her that it would all be okay... And Dru had swept in, regal, all dark and magnificent, and swept it all away. Because Lindsey couldn't stand to see Darla die.

Instead, he had decided to watch her die a human, only to be pulled back, as a vampire. Not truly dead, to the human way of thinking. But Angel knew better. The demon only used the memories to get what it wanted; blood. The human, the soul, the person was gone. And from human to vampire, vampire to dust, dist to human, human back to vampire, Darla's mind, her sanity, if she's any left, would be stretched thin. There was no rest to be had for her; all because of Lindsey's obsession.

Lindsey... a waste of space. Had come so close to an epiphany, had come so close to seeing that what he did was wrong, only to turn a blind eye, as so many others had. And now, he was hopelessly obsessed with Darla, hoping that she could love him.

He had forgotten that for so long, Darla was incapable of love. Soulless creatures don't know love. They may know emotions that are obsessive, infatuated, but never love. Lindsey had hoped, and may have succeeded, but then, had called Dru in, because he couldn't bear to see Darla die. 

Didn't he get it that Darla had wanted to be human? That it was better to see someone dead than turned? Of course, Lindsey's long-term vision had always been warped. Always went for what he wanted to see in the future, nevermind what he ruined, what he set in motion because of what he did. Like Darla's vampire re-emergence.

The demon would be coming for him, not going to stop. The demon would be pissed. First, because Angel had failed her, had failed to save her. Then, that he had dared to make her think that she wanted to live. He had convinced her to stay human, _to finally die_ , as she should have so long ago. The demon most definitely would hold a grudge because of that. Then, because he had dared defy her in the first place...

Angel was stuck. Three reasons for the demon to hate him, two of them contradictory. A lapse in the sense of the universe. Angel almost laughed, and what a bitter sound that would have been. Where the hell had the universe, the damn _Powers That Be_ , been when Darla had been brought back in the first place?

_dust to dust_...

Only not in this case.

Angel had pushed his friends away, trying to get them out of the way. He had to get Darla and Drusilla out of the way; this was all his fault. He had had to get them out of harm's way... they couldn't be hurt, because of him.

Cordelia, Gunn... Wesley... he couldn't stand the thought of them hurt, killed, even, if Darla was really pissed, because of his faults. He should have killed her in the first place, should have tried harder, should have, should have.

_But I did hurt them..._

_I got them out of the way. I did what I had to do. No more distractions... just focus. I need to get Darla and Drusilla out of the way. I cannot risk having them in my city, the one I've worked so hard to protect._

He had hurt Wesley... the man he had comforted not so long ago. The man he had seen, scared and frightened... and he had comforted him, convinced him that Angel wasn't leaving... well, what the hell had he done now? No matter where he turned, he hurt someone he cared about. A pang, and Angel growled as he tugged the knives from the board, putting them away carefully. He couldn't afford this, not anymore.

And the darkness swallowed him.

_Though the darkness pulls,_  
I shalt not respond. Always it beckons  
Yet so far, by reckon,  
I've not come to the call,  
Not surrendered all  
I've held so dear.  
But where  
Has the sun gone?   
Where is the light,   
The warmth,  
Of the dark summer night?  
The light of a smile,  
The touch of a hand,  
The light of the dawn,  
All Gone.  
In the struggle to stay above,  
I've lost  
All that I once loved. 

A/N- The poem here at the end is my own... yes, I used to write poetry. I just thought this snitchet kinda fit the mood. As always, review and let me know what you think!


	11. Time

_**Part Ten** _

They had moved on. Formed a small little family, a tight-knit friendship. Same name, perhaps, for the business, but a new friendship, deeper than the one when he had been there.

Then, of all things, _he_ decided to come back. After he had left them to fend for themselves, left Cordelia to handle the visions on her own, left them all to carry on what was _supposed_ to be _his_ mission...

_"I want to work for you."_ And what were they really supposed to say to that? "No," had been on the tip of Wesley's tongue, ready to spill over. After all, Angel still thought he could hurt him, hurt _all of them_ , this way, then just be able to waltz back in?

But, in his eyes... was something that Wesley recognized, but never thought he would see in the vampire.

Desperation.

After the vampire had refused to show emotions, had refused to let those he had called friends, even family, to help him... now he showed up with the pleading, lost, deep eyes that had once been so familiar. Then, a stranger had moved into those eyes.

Angel had changed, most definitely for the worse. He had changed drastically. Gone was the warm friendship, the gentle laughter in those eyes. The understanding of what they dealt with, the pity for their pain at his side, the anguish at the pain Cordelia in particular went through with the visions. Instead, Angel hadn't cared. Part of that, yes, was due to Darla's wreaking havoc with his dreams, but... part of it was Angel, going back to when he had thought he had no friends. He had as much as told Cordelia, Wesley, and perhaps even Gunn, that they hadn't mattered to him anymore. Shoved them away, ignoring their pleas to let them in, to let them help him.

_"You're all fired."_

Like seasonal clothing, there to save him from the cold, but discarded when he outgrew them, or when he was warm enough not to require them.

And he expected them to take him back? Just like that? A if nothing had happened...

Except it had.

It was in the way that Wesley moved now; stiffer, because of his bullet wound, yet... more confident in his own skin, steadier. Before the bullet, getting more skilled at fighting the demon, not moving away and waiting for Angel. It was in the way Wesley thought; as if he had no one to impress, no one to make the decisions for him. Finding his own way.

It was in the way Wes had a newfound confidence. No longer the eager puppy, ready to beg for a compliment. He knew what needed to be done, no longer needing to ask about every small detail. Yes, sometimes he still fumbled, but now he was stronger, more confident in his abilities.

It was in the way Cordelia was focused. She didn't fight with Wesley as much anymore, and Wes found himself missing that. The simple friendship, the slight, friendly arguments that served only to poke fun at each other, to lighten the atmosphere. 

It was also evident in the way she had matured, was less... airy. It wasn't right for a girl of her age, but... she had changed, also. She stayed for the missions, she comforted afterwards, and she partied less. She was understanding of what they were up against, and all the more willing to help with Angel gone.

It was not evident in Gunn much, but... in the way Gunn worked with the team, forming their team of three again. He worked as a true partner with Wesley, in a way Angel never had. Whereas Angel had vampire strength, Gunn was just as human as Wesley. Therefore, the two had established rapport, knew where the other's strengths and weaknesses were. They worked _together_ in a way Angel had never bothered to with Wes. Angel had always preferred to work alone, and even though he had helped train Wesley and occasionally Cordelia, he had never gone out of his way to wait for Wesley to help him. Gunn had acknowledged teamwork and the advantages, and had worked, adjusted accordingly.

And now... to just accept him back, would require work on all sides. The hurt had been deep; after all, it was family, that Angel had just thrown out on the street. The vampire had pulled back into himself, after saying how much he trusted them. Of course it would hurt...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It had been a few hours since Angel's question, and the other two had left the decision up to him. Of course. After all, this _was_ about the man, no vampire, that had hurt him perhaps the deepest, though he had tried not to show it.

Of course...

Wesley put his face in his hands, staring out the window of the office. His side was aching wretchedly; but then, why shouldn't it? He had tried to walk earlier, then rushed off to a battle. He was lucky he hadn't popped his bloody stitches again. Wouldn't do for another run to the hospital. He thought perhaps he had seen enough of those for a while.

Cordelia and Gunn had both left earlier, Angel having disappeared to dispose of the demons from Cordy's vision. Of course, dependable Wesley had said it was perfectly fine to leave him here alone to clean the weapons. He could handle it, and perhaps get the chance to think about this while he did it. The cleaning was more or less habit, a ritual by now, and Wesley could clean and think all at once, without really having to concentrate.

As he began to sort through the thoughts in his head once more, a sudden noise made him jerk, dropping the axe on the floor, and sending a flash of pain up through his side. He hissed, a hand flying to his side, even as he glared up.

"Wes? I-I'm sorry..." Angel said, sounding truly sorry. But then, the vampire was truly a master of hiding things, wasn't he? He could just as easily be pretending again. Best to take face value with a grain of salt... but that was mixing metaphores and cliches, wasn't it? Ah, well, it didn't matter just now... perhaps later, when he was safely home, with a warm compress to his side, and more medication, though he didn't like to use it in the first place.

"Pick that up, please," Wesley said, his voice tense and faint to his own ears. His side... Wesley pushed the pain away; it could wait until he got home.

Angel bent to obey, and Wesley closed eyes briefly, as Angel offered him the weapon again. "No... I think it's cleaned enough. Put it over there, would you?" Angel complied immediately, acting... almost like a puppy dog, eager for a treat.

And it hurt Wesley to think of Angel like that. Acting as if their reacceptance of him mattered...

"Thank you." Wesley was done, and he made to push himself up out of his chair. Instantly, Angel was there, hovering, and reaching out to grip Wes' elbows to help him. Wesley ignored him, and the resulting hurt look.

"No." He said, and Angel looked confused. "Don't touch me."

"I-I... did I... hurt you?" He looked adorably concerned, so... NO. NOT again.

"No. I just don't want your help," Wesley said, trying to be firm, yet still gentle. Still, Angel's face fell, and Wesley, while feeling slightly sorry for the obviously awkward vampire, couldn't help a small thrill of victory. Now, perhaps, the vampire would understand how they had felt, on a smaller scale. 

Petty revenge... not to be dealt with. The thought discarded, Wesley said stiffly, "I appreciate it, Angel. But things have changed; _we_ have changed." Angel nodded, though Wesley knew that he wasn't taking it in. _Angel was still thinking he could just waltz back in, and fix this with a smile, with the touch of a hand._ Poof, and everything was fixed.

Or gone, like a vampire. Depended on how you saw it... all a matter of perspective.

Wesley sighed, and reached for his cane. It was pressed into his hand, and once more, Angel was smiling hopefully. Wes sighed, and took the cane, then began to step forward.

"Wes?" Angel asked. "I... I'm sorry. I know it's not enough, but..." He stopped, visibly struggling for words. Wesley took pity on him, digging the vampire from his hole, as he had done a long time ago.

"Time, Angel. And... I know." Wesley turned, and walked out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The title for this section was 'Time', a song by Pink Floyd... still one of the best groups I know.

Feedback is more than welcome ::hint hint::


	12. What Do You Want From Me?

Still Wes/Angel, and no, I still own nothing. Joss owns it all... darn him. Meanwhile, I am just borrowing them to play with for a bit.

_**Part eleven- ‘What do you want from me?’** _

Angel's face fell, as he watched Wesley go out the door, limping slightly, leaning on his cane.

How had he let things get this bad? Wesley would never trust him again... hell, the man was on a cane, walking around, and...

Why should he expect any of them to trust him again? After all, he had lied to them, ignored them, pushed them away, then fired them... of course this would take work to let them trust him again.

They were all suspicious of him now, and that was only to be expected. He really had gone and done it... wasn't that a country song? No matter. What did matter was getting them to trust him again. After all, stuff had happened. But weren't you supposed to be able to get over that?

Sad now, Angel locked the new office of his friends behind him, and went home.

*******

A few nights later, Angel slipped away as Cordelia continued to bounce excitedly. He could feel Wesley’s glare boring into his back, and flinched internally. Damn… he hadn’t thought of that…

And hadn’t he been doing a lot of that lately? The not thinking thing… and then there was the fact that Wes had said that he had had his head up his ass? Only in politer terms, because, well, Wes.

But… he shook his head as he realized what he had just done. He had hurt Wesley’s feelings, he knew, as well as much as just said that he didn’t listen to a thing Wesley said. He had sat there through Wesley’s speech, honestly trying to listen, but focusing on Cordelia, who he could hear in the outer office. He couldn’t wait to see her reaction to the clothes.

Angel didn’t know why, but knowing that Cordelia forgave him was important to him these days. She was the most outspoken in their group, the most independent. At least, she had been the most independent before… what he had done to them. Now Wesley was almost as independent as Cordy, and it was all because of him. He had hurt them, pushed them away. In doing so, he had also first forced them to deal with him not being there, then to bond together, closer than they had been before.

Angel crept back down the stairs of the lobby; it was empty, the lights already dimmed, and shadow surrounding the lobby in darkness. Angel moved slowly across the lobby; Gunn and Cordelia had already left, to tell by the missing pile of clothing and the jean jacket gone from where it had been thrown on the counter.

In the office, though, Angel could still hear movement, still hear breathing, and a heart beat, beating fast with… anger.

Inside, he found Wesley, sitting down and glaring at a notepad angrily. He didn’t notice Angel immediately, and Angel watched.

“Should have known,” he muttered, voice sounding angry and bitter, as well as hurt. “Bloody vampire…” Angel winced, even as he noticed that Wesley had been cursing more than normal today. That was new; the Wesley _he_ knew almost never cursed, even when being tortured by Faith…

“Wes?” Angel asked softly, and Wesley jumped, sending his knee crashing into the desk and the notepad to the ground. Wesley inhaled sharply, and Angel ducked his face, suddenly nervous. Great… he couldn’t even say ‘hey’ to Wes anymore without something going wrong.

“Angel.” Wesley said stiffly. He avoided looking at Angel, as he asked, “Was there something you wanted?”

Angel ducked his head again, studying his shoes. This was his chance. He could either try and apologize to Wes now, or sit and let it fester. He almost never apologized to anyone, but… he had hurt Wesley, yet again. He seemed to be making that a hobby as of late… and wasn’t he good at it?

“I’m sorry,” Angel mumbled. He kept studying his shoes, and kept quiet. Above him, he didn’t see Wesley’s face first become confused, then briefly touched, before settling into a mask of stiffness.

“What for?” Wesley asked. The vampire was apologizing, but… Angel’s apologies of late had become more and more just fluff, rather than real remorse. Angel… didn’t seem to realize exactly how much he could hurt people lately. He used to be so much more sensitive to that, but then along came a vampiress with a grudge, and away went the sensitive Angel for a more brutal, less caring Angel. God help anything that stand in his way…

“For… you know.” Angel glanced up, looking almost nervous, and that made Wesley tense up even further. Angel had pretended to listen to him, pretended that Wesley was in charge-

Then gone behind his back to go and buy Cordelia those clothes, deliberately going against what Wes had thought had gotten through to Angel… how was he supposed to feel? He had been handed the company, a chance to try being in charge, to make sure that Angel didn’t cock up too badly, and then… already, the vampire was acting like this was a game. Like Angel was still in charge and he was just letting Wesley play in the shoes of the boss for a while, to make the man feel special.

Like he would treat a small child.

“No, I don’t know,” Wesley said, a tad sharper than he meant to. “I am not a mind reader, Angel.”

Angel looked up, looking pained, and caught sight of Wesley’s face. Under the cool expression, the man looked hurt. Angel sighed quietly, realizing that Wesley was going to make him say it, explain exactly what he was sorry for. There would be no dancing around the issue this time.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I… didn’t listen to you. And I… treated you wrong.” Angel glanced up, as if he hoped he would be done, that Wes would let him off the hook. Silence for a few moments, and Angel heard a shuffle, and a sigh. He glanced up, as he heard Wesley stand up and move. Suddenly, there was a small sound, and Angel whirled around, as the door to the office swung open. Before he knew what was happening, Angel turned around, and had caught Wesley by the shoulders.

“So you’re just going to leave?” He asked, somewhat harshly. 

Wesley merely looked at him, calm and cool. “Yes. Now if you wouldn’t mind letting me go?”

“Yeah, I do mind,” Angel said. One hand left Wesley’s shoulder, running through Angel’s hair. “I’m _sorry_ , Wesley. I… what more do you want from me? I know… I know I hurt you, but… please tell me what I’m doing wrong. I’m letting you be the boss, I’m letting you all have space, and I’m letting you all treat me how you want to. I’m giving you time… what am I doing wrong?” Wesley’s eyes widened slightly, and he jerked away from Angel’s grip.

“You honestly don’t know?” Angel shook his head, and, incredulous, Wesley sighed. “You _aren’t_ giving us time, Angel. You’re… fluttering around Cordelia like she’s the only one you hurt.” An unspoken ‘like she’s the only one who matters’ hung in the air, but Wesley ignored it in favor of going on. 

“Angel… saying I’m the boss, and actually letting me be, are two different things.” Angel looked confused, and Wesley sighed again. “You… didn’t even listen to me.” And there was the hurt, the root of it all. Wesley tore his gaze away from Angel, putting his jacket on, and preparing to leave.

“Wesley, I-“ Angel tried, and reached out for him again.

“No. Don’t pretend with me, Angel. If you’re not going to listen to me, don’t bother with the pretense I am in charge. I can deal with a lot of things, but… not that.” Wesley turned away, and moved into the lobby, before being stopped by Angel _yet again._

“Wesley-“

“Angel, let me go,” Wesley requested calmly. “I’m going home.” He looked at Angel steadily, and slowly, Angel removed his hands from Wes. Wesley nodded, just before he found Angel’s lips on his, kissing him gently-

Before Angel was gone. Not even in sight anymore. And Wesley was left staring across the lobby, confused and lost. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Read and review please?


	13. Wearing the Inside Out

**Songs of Innocence- Part Twelve- Wearing the Inside Out**

Disclaimer- I still own nothing- Joss and Co. own Angel and the others, and Pink Floyd owns their lyrics.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel watched from an upstairs room as Wesley left, shoulders taut from held-in emotion. From above, Angel tensed, feeling something tugging at him, and he winced. He had gone and done it again, and wasn’t that just his life story?

Angel sighed, pulling the curtains closed at the window. He didn’t know what to do to make it better… he had thought he had made it better with Cordelia, but again, he had forgotten that he could hurt other people. But Cordelia… she had said they weren’t friends anymore. He needed her friendship- without it, working in the office would never be the same, and she… she meant a lot to him.

On the other hand, though, was Wes. Wesley, who had looked so angry, so hurt when he had seen what Angel had done. Wesley, who had been hurt more when Angel had left than the other two… Wesley, who Angel kept hurting, no matter how much he didn’t mean to.

He deserved better.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Wesley pushed open the door to his empty apartment, and sighed. Empty, just as it should be. Neat and tidy, as it should be; the complete opposite of what his emotions were, though.

Angel had confused him to no end; Wesley knew he was angry, and with no questions about _that_ at least. Angel had gone right ahead and done what he had advised him not to do, then… then not known what he had done. Wesley had known that the vampire was daft, but that… that was a new record, even for Angel.

But then, he had also had to go and confused Wesley. Wesley had been angry, had known what he was feeling- a mixture of dislike for the vampire who had abandoned them, who had hurt him, of anger for ignoring him, as well as a small hint of… jealousy. Jealousy, that the vampire seemed to care more about winning back Cordelia’s affections than about anything else, and that hurt. It was as if the vampire had fallen in love with Cordelia, and wouldn’t that just be perfect? Perfect, in that Angel would have done everything possibly imaginable to hurt Wesley even more without ripping his heart out.

Wesley silently got ready for bed, struggling to let go of the thoughts, to let go of the feelings. He didn’t like feeling this way toward Angel, but… how could he help it? If Angel was going to just act as if everything was alright, as if nothing mattered save his own agenda, save what _Angel_ wanted, and damn the consequences.

Finally, a few hours later, Wesley managed to slip into a restless sleep, after unsuccessfully trying to stop thinking about Angel.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Wesley, _move_!”

Wesley tried to do so, he really did. But his side, still sore from the previous night, wouldn’t allow his body to do what he wanted fast enough. He tried to dive out of the way, but the demon was sweeping its tail at him too quickly, he wasn’t going to get out of the way in time-

Just as he was tackled from the side, rolling across the ground and groaning in pain as his side reminded him once more that he still wasn’t fully healed. He looked up, winded, even as there was a blur of motion moving away from him.

“Damn, Angel,” a voice griped, as Wesley stood up, and he looked over, surprised. “Think you killed it dead enough?”

“Um, yeah?” Angel offered, looking unsure. “I mean, I was supposed to kill it, right?” Wesley rolled his eyes- Angel was still acting overly contrite since he had been… reaccepted, more or less, was the only term Wesley could think of for it.

In the office, Angel had continued to act like an eager puppy, constantly asking Wesley and Cordelia if he wanted anything, while warily watching Gunn. He was also in the way, trying to do everything they asked him to do, as well as more, which only resulted in him getting in the way more often than not.

“No, Angel,” Cordelia said, emerging from where she had been staying away from the fight, “You were supposed to invite it to dinner.” Cordelia rolled her eyes, even as Angel’s face fell. 

“Oh,” Angel said, turning away as Cordelia turned to the other two.

“So, can we get out of here, then? Because dark alleys aren’t exactly my thing,” she said, starting to walk toward the front of the alley. She was startled to a halt, however, when a form sprang out of the alleyway before her.

“But they _are_ mine,” a dark voice said, and Wesley whipped around, horrified. Angel was already moving forward, toward the vampire which had stepped from the shadows into the meager light and grabbed Cordelia. “Usually don’t find ladies as beautiful as you in these alleys… must be my lucky night.”

“Let her go,” Angel said, voice low and focused, a stark contrast from just a moment ago. The other vampire just smirked at Angel, rolling his eyes.

“Does that _ever_ work, if you don’t mind my asking?” The vampire asked, and Angel ignored the vampire, just waiting for the right opportunity. Gunn was standing at attention as well, watching for the chance to do something, to save Cordy. The vampire wasn’t doing anything yet, just holding Cordelia, her neck bared to him, as Cordelia looked anxiously from person to person.

“What, you don’t want to talk?” Angel shook his head slowly, and the vampire glanced at Gunn, giving Angel just enough time to dive forward. The vampire reacted, shoving Cordelia to the side, as Angel tackled the vamp.

Cordelia slammed into the side of a building, sliding down and holding her shoulder. Her eyes closed in pain for a second, before she looked over worriedly, seeing Gunn swinging his axe at the vampire. The vampire ducked, sending Gunn off balance, which also gave him the opportunity to slam a foot into Gunn’s stomach. As Gunn doubled over, Angel flew back out of the shadows from where he had been knocked- only to freeze stock-still. 

The vampire had Wesley. 

Wesley’s eyes were closed, as the vampire held his head wrenched to the side, fangs locked into the man’s throat. He didn’t even know what was happening, it had happened so quickly… all he knew was, he was incredibly tired all of a sudden.

Gunn barely had time to get his axe up before Angel was already across the alley, punching the other vampire across the face. The vampire staggered back, still holding Wesley, who was still. Angel had time for one spare thought- _How much blood did that vamp take?_ \- before he was behind the vampire, staking it. Wesley seemed to stand up in midair for one moment, before beginning to drop.

Angel caught Wesley before he could hit the ground. He lowered the younger man to the ground, holding him gently, as Gunn shot a glance at them, then moved over to check on Cordelia.

Angel looked down at Wesley’s face, noting that he was unconscious. Turning the man’s face to the side, Angel then checked the side of the man’s neck. The bite mark was deep and uneven, torn in a hurry. He could tell from the awkward angle of the bite, the vamp had to have been relatively new… 

“Oh, my god!” Cordelia said, as Gunn helped her up. “Wes! Is he okay?” The concern was evident in her tone, and Angel glanced up.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine,” Angel said distractedly. “He’s… he just needs sleep.” Angel looked up at the other two again, before awkwardly picking Wesley up, carrying him to the car as Cordelia rubbed her shoulder again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back at the hotel, Angel looked at Cordelia’s shoulder, then looked at her. “It’s just bruised… just keep the ice on it, okay?”

Cordelia nodded, then looked up at Angel; Gunn had already gone home a few minutes ago. “How’s Wesley doing?”

“He’s still sleeping,” Angel said. “I should probably go up there soon…” Cordelia gave him a look, which Angel missed, until Cordelia cleared her throat slightly.

“Um, Angel, how… how are things between you two?”

“They’re… I don’t know,” Angel admitted, refusing to look at Cordelia. He hadn’t expected this question from her; she had made a point to avoid addressing him about anything regarding his relationship (or lack there of) with Wesley. “He still doesn’t want to be in the same room with me…”

“Well, duh,” Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. “You left us. You left _him_.” Angel glanced away, and Cordy softened slightly, rising. “He’ll come back when he’s ready. In the meantime, try listening to him.”

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